Wikipedia:Peer review/HIV test/archive1
This is looking good, but there is a need for detailed review before this can be considered a candidate for a featured article. -- The Anome 08:43, Jan 20, 2005 (UTC)
- I would need more time to be more specific, but I'll say this now; remove self-references: "described here" & "this article". (and wikify "sodium lauryl sulphate" more commonly known as SDS) -- Mgm|(talk) 10:05, Jan 20, 2005 (UTC)
- For an fac nomination, you will need some references. You might also need a picture, though I admit that it is hard to find a picture that goes with this article. --ashwatha 04:29, 25 Jan 2005 (UTC)
- From a purely stylistic POV, I think that (in general) lead sections shouldn't have bullet points. They should be converted to prose and the lead section should be expanded to grab people's attention (though please don't sensationalise this sensitive topic - something I'm sure you won't do). Some other things: I wouldn't assume that people will just click on antibodies, I would suggest that a very brief explanation of them be incorporated into the text to make it clear why this is an important concept for the HIV test. All acronyms should be explained, not just linked to, as well. Also, the only text that should be bolded inline should be the HIV test bit, IMO the other text in the HIV tests should be italicised. Some specific queries:
- "the patients 400-fold diluted serum is poured over a plate to which known HIV particles were attached." - what does "400-fold diluted serum" mean? I don't know anything about this and it's confusing.
- "The low specificity of the test comes from the fact that sometimes there are cross-reacting antibodies: these are antibodies which attach to HIV particles "by accident", even though the body has never encountered HIV before. If an ELISA test is positive, the result is commonly confirmed with a Western-Blot test." - what does "cross-reacting antibodies" mean? I don't think its that clear.
- "Orasure is an HIV test which uses mucosal trasudate from the tissues of cheeks and gums. It is an antibody test which first employs ELISA, then Western Blot." - what is "mucosal trasudate"? Why is this important? Can we get more information on this, and why it uses two tests? These issues would go the same for the urine test.
- "There are also several unapproved immediate home-test products on the U.S. market." - can we have some examples of them? Why aren't they approved?
- We have some more issues in the Antigen tests section. As with the antibodies comment, what is an antigen? A brief explanation is called for here, IMO. Also, what is a p24 protein? Why is that important? There is also a section that says "A variant of the p24 test first applies heat to denature the p24 protein and thus separate it from its antibody" - what does nenature mean? Why is this important to the test?
- I think the best way of going through this is to read it from the POV of someone who knows nothing about medical subjects. Make absolutely no assumptions that a regular Joe would understand any of the things that you may take for granted. Explain everything, even if it seems fairly obvious to yourself. The authors are quite obviously experts or know a great deal about this topic, now we just have to have it explained for the rest of us! Don't stress though, this article most definitely has potential and if it can be rewritten with these suggestions in mind I think it will make a truly fine article. - Ta bu shi da yu 02:20, 7 Feb 2005 (UTC)